Letting Myself Down

I would never dream of letting my husband, my children, my sister or my best friends down...but I constantly let myself down!  I set goals - whether they are writing goals or weight loss goals or even organizational goals, if I set it for myself, I think nothing of letting it slip.  It has been 2 months since I wrote here!  How ridiculous! Sure, my 'real' job has had mad deadlines...we pretty much work straight through from October 15th through January 15th. 
And there was Christmas and New Years in there too!  But, already a month into 2011 and here I am losing both the battle of the bulge and the battle of the words!  At this stage of the game, my writing is much more important then my desire to be thin.  Although, according to Dr. Phil, Oprah and EVERY article, book and interview on the subject, I should know what the weight issue is!  However, I really don't.  Part of me honestly thinks it doesn't matter anymore.  I am just fat and that's the way it is going to be until I leave this earth.
All the pictures from my children's childhood will show me as a FAT ass!  I don't want to accept it, I don't want to give up...but the fact is...I like to eat!  I like to eat badly!  I love cheese and I love wine!  I love bread and I guess I love it all a lot more than I want to be thin.
Although every time I look in the mirror...I think, REALLY?  You are still so fat!!  Grrrrrr!!
But, my writing...that IS important to me.  I think if I had the opportunity, I could write all day long about anything.  I didn't say it was good...I just love to write!  I want to write the next great fiction novel.  I love 'chick lit' although that is apparently NOT what it should be called!  I love Jodi Picoult's writing style and wish I had that talent.  Or maybe I have the talent, just not the means to develop it. 
However, one thing is for sure, if I don't start keeping the goals for myself, than I will NEVER know.  I would rather give it my all and fail, than to never have tried at all.
So...here I go again....I am going to promise to write here, every day...even if it's short and sweet.  I also promise to cut down 500 calories a day from my diet.  I might even tell you what it was here...who knows!  Wish me luck...better yet...just come back and read.  Be invested in me so that I might become invested in myself!

~kim