I don't know how long...it feels like days, maybe it's been weeks! I don't really know why, I'm sure there is some under lying 'anger' issue lurking beneath the surface...it rears it's ugly little head about every 15 minutes today! I absolutely hate this feeling. No matter what I do to shake it, it won't go away. I know I'm stressed, but if you are alive and breathing these days, who isn't stressed?
I guess what I'm most upset over is this - life as it is, is hard enough. Why do others have to come in to our lives and make it harder than it needs to be? I thought at my age, I had really started to 'figure' people out. Recognize 'CRAZY' when I saw it, and run for cover.
This time I didn't! And I can't let it go! I was snowed! I was completely taken off guard! Of course others in my life tell me now - 'Oh yea! I saw that coming!' or my other favorite - 'I could have told you that was going to happen'. I consider myself a good judge of character, typically. And I believe in giving everyone a fair chance, until I'm proven otherwise. I don't listen to what other people say, typically...but maybe I need to start listening. Maybe there is just a hint of truth to all the talk...
I grew up feeling like the 'odd' man out. All my friends lived in really nice houses, had parents that were married and seemed to have the 'perfect lives'. I mean, compared to mine anyway. My life wasn't 'terrible', but it wasn't what theirs was. So, now that I have kids, I find myself drawn to my kids' friends that I can see myself in. I want to give them, and their families a welcoming word. I want to say, 'hey...i don't judge'. In truth, I really don't judge.
I have been known to make fun of people or have a good laugh with my mom while people watching. But, in all honesty, it comes from a good place and I really mean nothing malicious by it. But, I'm beginning to learn, that maybe 'we' (my mom, sister and I) were the exception. Maybe people are just like they appear to be, and maybe sometimes, it is best to 'judge a book by it's cover' and let it ride.
I don't know! It seems the older I get, the less I'm convinced I know. And the less I understand! How is that possible? I don't want the future to hold more questions because before I know it I will be forgetting not only the answers but the questions, too! Then what happens? Maybe that is why family really is so important. And when people say things like 'you don't get to pick your family', that's really a good thing. Family will always (or should always) love you no matter what! Friends will come and go...Best Friends, which are really family...shall always remain!
I'm missing my best friends right now...Jen and Lisa! It's been a while since we've had one of our REAL visits. Kids, distance and life is justing marching on...maybe all I really need to do, is shoot an email to them and let them know I miss them...and then maybe that will chase away the blues...if not, I've always got the kids to pick on tomorrow...it's their Spring Break and due to my 'paying job' we can't go anywhere...
xoxo
kim
ps - by the way...I am going to 'Let Go, Let God' this will be the last you hear about the other thing...
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