I just received some of the best feedback I have had in the last three months:
We suggest you enroll in a local writer’s workshop to develop a more sophisticated writing style. All of the important elements are here, they just need to be developed. You have wonderful potential! Try us again in six months to a year.
I LOVE THIS! My mom read my manuscript and she said that she noticed how different my writing was from the beginning of the story to the end. It was so much more dramatic, it made more sense. It is like with anything I suppose, you just have to continue doing it to get better.
I guess I hoped to be the next 'Stephenie Meyer'....you know, bang away at the computer, pump out this amazing love story and ride off into the sunset. I know where these crazy dreams come from...it's my father in me! Big dreams...HUGE dreams...but none that came to fruition. I can't be sad though...I might not have written the greatest novel my first shot...but hey, I do have a manuscript. I have a beginning, a middle and an end. I have hooks. I have drama. I have love. I have sex scenes that made my Mom blush a little bit. And like the agent above stated - I have potential!
I just need to make this my new mantra...I have potential! I do! I WANT to be a published author...I want to have a book published. I want a story, my words to make someone feel like I did when I read 'The Help' or when I read 'The Year of the Fog'. I want to write compelling story lines and characters that are flawed and human. I have the potential...I have the drive...and now I even have my own laptop (thanks Mom) to make my dreams a reality.
One day, someone will come to this blog to find out how I got started and they will see that it takes just a few simple things...you have to want it, you have to believe in it, you have to have potential but most importantly you have to trust that you deserve it. I think that is where I need the most work. I don't believe that I deserve much. I never have! I have always wanted more for those around me and those that I love.
But, for now, for today and in these forty five minutes, I am being selfish and I am thinking of only myself and what I want. I allow myself to write whatever comes next...no internal editor. I just sit here and type...I have potential after all. I have the same potential that you do...just need to unleash and unlock it.
Thank you Tom Ray! Thank you for teaching me about dreams and that the bigger the dream the harder you must fight for it! I know you lost that battle so many times. I watched you fail. I watched you lose everything. I watched you fight to get it back. I also watched you lose. I watched you give up and I watched you leave this earth.
I know, as a daughter, how fortunate I am to know my father was no super hero. He was human. He was flawed with imperfection. He spent his entire adulthood running from his childhood. The more he fought not to be like his own father the more he morphed into someone I didn't recognize. Alcohol and hate do that to people. Alcohol sucks everything out of you and leaves you more empty than when you first raised the glass and placed your lips on it. I saw how empty his life became as everyone he knew and loved faded into the background.
He sucked as my father and he totally sucked at being a husband. He was never the provider we deserved either. He never put our needs above his own. He never made sacrifices for us. But, in the last five years of his life, he redeemed himself in my eyes. He was my friend. He was my confidant. We had weekly Sunday afternoon phone calls that we both looked forward to having. He was good to me, as good as anyone can hope for. I miss him everyday. While you grow into all the other roles we become in our lives, we always begin our journey as some one's child - a son or a daughter. And when we lose a parent, we lose a part of ourselves. I miss you Daddy. I know you would be proud of me! I am writing...I am living. I am trying to make my dreams come true. Say hi to Jesus for me...I know you are with him.
love and hugs,
k
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