I don't feel good today.....I haven't really felt good all week! I don't know what is wrong, but whenever my stomach hurts, I feel like the bottom is going to fall out. Almost dying does that to a person! I am so nauseated and feel so bad. I try to blow it off...keep working...keep writing...keep going. But, in the back of my head I wonder...is it a hernia? Is it blockage? Nothing is ever as simple as it really seems.
Simple surgery goes bad. People end up in comas and in the hospital for six months. No? You think not? Hmmmm, well then we haven't met! I know this happens because it happened to me! And whenever I feel bad...I'm scared too death something will be wrong...I will need surgery and I will have to make a decision....live with the nausea, live with the pain or take my chances with a surgeon!
See...when you sign all that paperwork that you HAVE to sign before you can have surgery...and they gloss over the risks....the 1 to 4% chance that something bad will happen. Bad things do happen. Things do go wrong...and people can die!
I didn't die....I was lucky. But the minute I don't know what is wrong with me I begin to panic...how do you trust someone who almost killed you? I don't mean that I would ever go back to HER again...but I just have a fear of doctors in general. And the one doctor I trust with my life...because he saved it twice...is in Fargo, ND! UGH!!
Sometimes it seems like it's just too much asking to feel better.....
love and hugs!
k
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