Days like today make me feel defeated and like the worst mother in the world! I actually did two things I've been threatening to do...#1 I turned off my 16 (child #1) and 13 (child #2) year old's phones...no texting, no calling...no outside world! I find out later...from the smart mouth of the 16 year old...I can still text from my iTouch!
'Oh Awesome!' I say. 'I guess I can just cancel all your phones...save myself some money then!' He stomped off to his room....guess it wasn't the reaction his was looking for. #2 I removed my daughter's door from her room...'You slam it ONE more time and I will take it off'. She actually did it two nights ago....but I decided today to keep my word.
I've made so many mistakes as a Mom....but the biggest one, is NEVER following through! I rant, I rave, I swear, I scream and I THREATEN....but that is all they are! That is all they see my words as so it was time to 'back them up'...it didn't hurt that my 16 year old told me - 'You don't have the balls to do it!' I've always loved a challenge....so God gave me 3 of them!
Last night I tried to explain some things to my kiddos...the youngest one totally gets it. 'It's all a game. Mom just wants you to do what she asks and be loved. If you guys did that, then it would all be good.'
A game? It is isn't? If they play nice, do what I ask, when I ask....I crumble...I will do anything for them. But, too many days and weeks like the last three....and it's time to shut my mouth and my wallet! It's a bit liberating honestly...taking back the control in our home! Well, I didn't take it back...I 'resigned' from parenting duties for kids #1 and #2. They must go through Dad from now on. I needed a break! I needed to step back...regain my composure and common sense.
I want to see things 'glass half full' and I don't want to dread 4pm when the kids come home! These are the things no one talks about...no one tells you how really hard being the momma is! It is the hardest job you will ever love/hate/dread/embrace! I love my children all three of them...I love them differently, I love them equally, I love who they are, I love who they will someday be, I love having them in my life. I just have to take a break sometimes...this week I'm doing that. It's really no secret that this week and next will be ALL about me...milestone birthday next week....the BIG 4 0! I'm dreading it!!!
I'll let you know when my mommy sabbatical with #1 and #2 is over...however, #2...she's so smart! She understands the game more today....she was so sweet and so pleasant this afternoon...without her phone and without her door! She dusted, she swept, she mopped...all without any prompting.
Where is #1? He just posted on Facebook (via his iTouch 'why am i always messing up?') and he's upstairs in his room trying to figure out how to play the game....I have no doubt, when his ego takes a break...he'll figure it out.
All I want is a little less attitude, a little more respect sprinkled with a sincere "I'm Sorry", followed by a 'I love you, Mom'...
love and hugs,
k
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